Five Lines That Dominate Review
A capitalist pig gringo girl perturbs a gypsy lady (who looks in slightly better shape than Manto “Chaka-laka” Tshabalala-Msimang) by refusing to exacerbate the sub-prime mortgage crisis. That is, she refused to grant people who can't pay their loans extra credit, thereby helping all of us in the long run because our tax money goes to social services (hence people who can't pay won't be out on the street) and the rest of us have to pay no matter what. The gypsy lady does not approve and summons an evil goat-herding Che Guevara communist spirit to haunt the poor capitalist girl. Lots of people get possessed and start convulsing with their eyeballs spinning in their sockets and lots of bodily fluids squirting all over everything plus the kitchen sink. They all still manage to end up looking in better shape than Manto, even while being dragged to Cuba er, I mean hell.
Elisha Cuthbert likes to live on the edge in this day of Islamic radicals and militant PETA plant pathogens who have too much risk of brain atrophy to control their violent outrage. She does not appear in this film. Woe is me.
The NFL Cheerleaders do not appear in this film either. Woe is me once more. They are a little too old for Roman Polanski.
I'm terribly sorry, but I seem to have lost the plot.
Tapping the Long Tail Review
Screw this. All you need to know is that Drag Me to Hell lives up to the hype. A few minor gripes include the fact that the white meat scene wasn't graphic enough, the ending relies too much on computer generated imagery and the classic switch is hardly an innovative means to drive a plot.
However, this is Sam Raimi we are talking about. He has the uncanny ability to flog a dead horse back into a zombie steed. This is camp, self-conscious and classy in ways that Zombie Strippers could only dream of being. Tally buckets of blood, brilliant music by Christopher Young (as per usual) and a fresh scream queen and Raimi has nearly redeemed himself of the Spiderman 3 heresy.