10 May 2016

White tears the most valuable currency but not as valuable as fauxtrage

This formerly glorious publication which I shall not even bother naming has also fallen into the habit of censoring its comments section, at least when it comes to white tears. Fortunately, I could still save this obviously far superior comment from the rather myopic agitprop from whence it came. I know it is superior because the quality of your commentary is inversely proportional to how long it stays unscathed. That's why the sanctimonious finger-wagging op-eds rarely get deleted, but the comments rarely last long.


Anyone - black or white or of any other pigmentation persuasion - with a Rhodes Scholarship can but only cry White Tears. Someone with a Rhodes Scholarship is in the very lap of privilege, the likes of which not even the majority of pale South Africans born with a silver spoon will ever see. That is why it is not uncommon to see their ilk waiting on tables instead of whipping their slaves on their ill-begotten land, which they refuse to give up, you see.


A similar campaign was started by someone for Darryn August. It also managed to raise more than R 100 000 and is currently just shy of R 200 000. Leaving the problematic notion of trying to quantify a qualia in the manner of how much charity is charity and beyond which charity is obscene behind for a second and just taking things as they are presented:


The notion that this is only minority white capital showing black capital who is boss is entirely falsified (read: It is revealed for the spurious, contrived notion that it is, directly from the shallow depths that it had to stoop to). Sorry, I didn't do a pencil test on Darryn August so I cant tell you if his skin colour merits charity, nor how much is really enough and beyond which it would just be obscene to extend further goodwill to someone. But feel free to decide for yourself and don't forget to judge someone else's charity harshly if it causes cognitive dissonance and doesn't fit within the neat, convenient, lazy, regurgitated ideological blinkers.


By the way, instead of pontificating about how much the goodwill of other people puts you to shame, perhaps it is more fruitful to find a cause that you feel is worthy and donate to that. Per definition, there are very few people who are truly privileged like a Rhodes Scholar would be anywhere in the world. One person's charity does not pacify yours. You should be ashamed because for an activist you didn't do much in any active sense, but it's not too late. You too can do some good for a change. It would be a radical change, but it is worthwhile. Whataboutery on the other hand is a lose-lose scenario.


Contrary to what is claimed, anyone can in fact start a crowdfunding campaign. It is true. Many have, but the reason why this particular White Tip campaign was so successful is largely because it gave people like me an opportunity to tell people like the Rhodes Must Fall rascists and remedial Radical Chic journalists that they are full of manure.

19 April 2016

Cell C supports gorgeous women doing things to men at a company

Finally, someone admitted it. What gorgeous women do to men at a company. Nobody hires women to do actual work. It's true. We just put up with your lovely kind in the workplace, despite the adverse effects you have on us when we perform actual work like scheduling golf club and strip club meetings.

We put up with you, the fairer sex, when you're clever - but not too clever, and gorgeous - but not too hideous. Just like we put up with those delicate purely ornamental pot plants and the often disputed ambience of the barely functioning air conditioner. Just another one of those necessary evils of the workplace, you see.

But hey, one day when one of my chest-beating ilk decides to retire, I hope to see one of you mammary-bearing, cherry picking members of society replace one of us old boys. That's just the kind of equal opportunity go-getting that I would like to inspire around here, at our great sacrifice. I mean we're not used to women who may be smarter than us and certainly not ones who are expected to get over the ridiculously low bar we've established for ourselves. If that's not motivation for you girls, then I don't know what is. You go, girls! You go!

Godspeed to you, and remember: On this side of the glass ceiling, nobody can hear your screams.

16 December 2015

White wine? No thanks, I prefer red I must be racist

As you know by now, I love shooting fish in a barrel. There's plenty of fish in the #WhiteWhine – A 12-Point Rant post. I'll just repeat the points here and scoff at them one by one:

The time has come for a 10-point dressing down of white South Africans who bitch and moan about everything. Let’s call it #WhiteWhine.

That's not really making a point now is it?

Many white South Africans seem unaware that they are considered just a cut above Nazis in the international scoundrel rankings.

Know who also sits fairly high on the international scoundrel rankings? Omar al-Bashir, Muammar Gadaffi and Robert Mugabe. None of those are exactly Nazis, and none of those are exactly friends of Apartheid. In fact, all of those seem to be pretty cosy with the ANC leadership, which by the way does not sit fairly high on the international scoundrel rankings. And by the way, all of those are large scale owners of capital in South Africa.

The logical conclusion is that when it comes to ranking scoundrels, the international community doesn't know its earhole from its arsehole. I'm not sure what to make of this point, except to conclude that it's ill-conceived.

Even in American movies, white South Africans are often portrayed as generic bad guys, on a par with Nazis, terrorists and rogue aliens.

Name one film where Charlize Theron was the bad guy.

American movies also portray the Klu Klux Klan as the good guys, least we forget about the Birth of a Nation. Perhaps American movies are not exactly barometers of what constitutes generic bad guys, nor generic good guys? At least this point is moot and not a throwaway, but pretty much stillborn.

Why are we, white South Africans, portrayed this way? Is it fair that we should be so grossly stereotyped? Are we really like Nazis?

These are a few rhetorical questions. In order to make a point of any kind, one has to make a statement of some sort, preferably an assertion. TKO.

The answer: it’s understandable. Why? Imagine if the Nazis had retained their ill-gotten gains after the Second World War.

Imagine if it were true that the Apartheid spoils were kept as ill-gotten gains. Only they weren't.

The government was and still remains the majority land owner, and the biggest owner of capital in the country. The largest corporations are by far the state-owned enterprises like Eskom and Telkom. These are no longer in the hands of Apartheid-era statesmen, nor Apartheid-era whites, nor even in the hands of white people in general. They are managed by the largely black ANC government and most of their employees are also black.

What about shares? The largest pension fund in Africa is the GEPF. Guess who is in charge of that? Pro-tip: It's not F.W de Klerk, it is managed by the largely black ANC government.

What about the JSE? This article on how to protect your wealth from Zumafication explains that most of the top companies listed on the JSE rely on foreign profits. They rely not on Apartheid spoils, but on current modern day trades with other nations, and most of them invest offshore due to corruption and mismanagement in South Africa since 1994. That's after Apartheid, in case you were wondering.

They are not owned nor managed by Apartheid agents. By law they have to comply with BEE, and they do. If you do not believe me, search for the companies listed there and look at their board of directors before making ignorant statements about capital ownership in South Africa. Just start here with the biggest private companies in South Africa. You will notice that many of the faces there are also in government. 

Those are the minority capital owners in the new South Africa, just like they were the minority capital owners in the old Apartheid South Africa. Only they are not the same people. Nor are they of the same race.

You’re thinking: “Bullshit! We aren’t Nazis! We didn’t commit genocide!” Well, perhaps you and your parents didn’t, but our ancestors did.

Actually yes, bullshit. South Africa was never involved in genocide. Nor were our ancestors. The closest practice to genocide we have seen in South Africa is the employment of concentration camps during the Anglo-Boer War . They do not count as genocide since they did not focus on wiping out one particular racial or ethnic group exclusively, the Brits were rather indiscriminate.

White people have murdered and exploited other nations and peoples for centuries, since colonial times, when our days of privilege began.

So have the Black people, Asians and Arabs. You really need the IQ in order to understand why this statement is utter bullshit, but then if you had the IQ you wouldn't be making such ignorant statements in the first place.

You’re thinking: “Ja, but what can I do about that?” Well, let’s look at how Germany has dealt with its grotesque Nazi past.

Finally, a good point. Germany dealt with its grotesque Nazi past by rebuilding its capital stock with a highly skilled workforce. Yes, really, it is that simple, but if you want more details have a look at the Wirtschaftsfwunder.

They were lucky in the sense that they had a highly skilled workforce and brilliant leaders at the time. We do not have a highly skilled workforce and our leaders surprise me every day because they don't inadvertently drown themselves in their own bath tub.

Germany has flourished by working hard, trying to do better, setting an example in terms of equality, cooperation and generosity.

Germany also does not have a race-based affirmative action program. Finally, another good point and one certainly worth considering. How we can change our current efforts to be more in line with what worked in Germany? Perhaps we should not have a race-based affirmative action program either?

Perhaps we should be focusing on making the majority of our population employable by turning ourselves into a highly skilled workforce?

Perhaps we should be focusing on building capital stock?

Perhaps we shouldn't be throwing the majority of our population into a debt trap and blaming a small yet skilled and hard-working minority for carrying the bulk of the burden?

Perhaps we should realise that there isn't a privilege queue where all the pale faces line up and all the rest are shown away?

White SA’ns who bitch and moan need to imagine Nazis bitching and moaning because their world has changed. That’s how you’re seen.

Imagine for a second that white South Africans are not Nazis. I know it is hard because there is more EQ than IQ here, but just try and picture the scene.

BONUS! You need to be more like Germans. Understand the privileges you enjoy. Do better. Strive for equality, cooperation, generosity.

That's not really a point now is it? That is empty sloganeering. Unless the point is that we should follow in Germany's footsteps, in which case it is a repeated point. This is the third time, by the way.

EXTRA BONUS! You’re thinking: “Get off your high horse, arsehole.” But I already shot the horse and gave away the meat a long time ago.

That's not really a point now is it? 

Either this is list is scraping the barrel for other incredulous troglodytes or it is an ingenious application of Poe's Law. For the author's sake, I hope it is the latter, because the points aren't even counted correctly. The only point worth mentioning is that we should try to emulate the success of Germany. Since it is repeated three times, that's a hit rate of 1/12 or 8,33%. It wouldn't even get Matric in the new South Africa.










Creative Commons License