The political theory of evolution

This is the theory of evolution as it applies to politicians. Most of us have seen this picture:


Evolution as it applies to us cubicle dwellers.

Why do politicians always have one hand in the air?

I noticed the other day that politicians always seem to have one hand in the air. This must be something their life coaches or NLP gurus teaches them.

Following this observation, I found a few pictures of politicians and this is the evolution I noticed:







Obviously, Jeremy Cronin has to be the least evolved out of the three politicians I chose. This because he is the South African Communist Party deputy secretary general. Anybody who has been involved with communism for that long without having heard of Russia, Cuba and Cambodia's histories and connecting the dots has to be a few leather studs short of a kinky. He also has his arm and his hand the lowest of the three.

Next in line is Julius Malema. You can see he is more evolved because he needs less supportive eye wear and he has the gall to raise his hand higher. This is not making a cabinet, this is about making cabinet, so Julius is in his element. Like a pig in shit.

Finally, we have the politician who dared to raise his hand higher than them all: Adolf Hitler. A good example of why us commoners should stay out of politics entirely and leave it to the blue blood. Not the Blue Bull fans.

My fellow South Africans, I urge you to censor our politicians. We have to ensure that they do not dare to raise their hands this high when they are talking to us. Correlation does not imply causality, but it could imply casualties if we are not careful. Our politicians should not be allowed to raise their hands, unless of course they want to put them over their mouths. For this reason, we should embed the following command in all TelePrompTers: "Raise your hand, but not as high as Hitler did" .

Zapiro and the Zuma cartoon of the African Renaissance

Zapiro is a controversial cartoonist who rose to fame during apartheid. His nonchalant portrayals of former South African president P.W Botha as a big crocodile was partly garnered from and partly responsible for the groot krokodil (big crocodile) nickname of Botha.

With the advent of our integrated democracy, Zapiro shifted gears and focused on the new boss. First, there were endearing portrayals of Madiba as being more famous than the pope (which, in our part of the world, is in fact the case. Dude, Madiba is bigger than Jesus here. Madiba is bigger than John Lennon here!). Then, there were portrayals of president Thabo Mbeki as an aloof well, loof, who is more concerned with earning Voyager miles and smoking his madala pipe than running a country. None of these bitter satirical portrayals were however pills too bitter to swallow.

Enter Jacob Zuma, a dictator in the making. From his all too frequent run-ins with the law, to his all too frequent attempts at censoring the press, to his attempts at sowing discord among our excellent (and, mind you, ANC appointed) judiciary, to his dismal level of education, to the vitriolic company he keeps who threaten to kill those who do not support Zuma's cause, the man is quite frankly just asking to be ridiculed.


This is it: the controversial Zapiro cartoon. That is, the latest one. Hopefully not the last! Used without permission.

Who could be a better man for the job of pulling down Zuma's trousers and giving him six of the best than Zapiro, the man with 'ballpoints of steel' and vanguard of freedom of speech?

How to miss the point of the Zapiro cartoon

• There are many women who have pointed out that rape is not an issue that should be taken lightly. Let me ask you this: if rape is nothing to be taken lightly, then surely you would expect a judicial system that is stable, free from favour and free from prejudice, to fell judgement on those who are guilty of such a vile and barbaric deed?
  
  To respond to the Zapiro cartoon with a beaten wife syndrome knee-jerk reaction, is missing the point.


• There are some (not surprisingly, the same folk who threaten to kill anti-revolutionary forces) who pointed out that the cartoon is racist. Racist? In what way? By portraying Zuma and his cohorts like thugs - as they do come across when one only considers their words and their deeds, without considering their level of eduction, their gender, or their race? If a Taiwanese lady boy threatened to kill people who do not support their cause and they get treated with the indignity they deserve, would it be a racist issue? If the answer is no, it's definitely not a racist issue.
  
  Let's put this in perspective. You could portray lady justice as a cross-dressing Taiwanese lady boy, but I fear not many would recognise lady justice as lady justice. In the same way, you could portray the Mona Lisa as a black man, but then it won't be Mona Lisa. The fact remains that lady justice, along with the rule of law, is a distinctly Western notion and she is traditionally depicted as a blindfolded, white marble statue of a Greek lady. Now, I may not be politically correct here, but to the best of my knowledge, Greeks consider themselves Caucasian.
  
  For the slow readers: the lady in question is not a white madam, it is lady justice. She is an abstract concept, but it does not surprise me at all that the members of the Zuma revolution could not recognise justice if it kicked them in the balls while they try to rape her, let alone being portrayed in a meticulously executed political comic.
  
  To turn the Zapiro cartoon into a race issue is missing the point. Especially when the demographic representation in the cartoon reflects the demographics of our country (five black people to every white person - actually that's too many black people and not nearly enough Taiwanese lady boys).


• Then there are those who argue that freedom of speech should be free, but not that free. This is certainly a debatable point. Many compare this portrayal of Zuma raping the justice system with Malema and Vavi's threats to eliminate and kill anti-revolutionary forces. Not so.
  
  Our constitution holds that freedom of speech is free, except when that speech condones or incites violence. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but suggesting that a public person who is calling for political solutions to his own legal problems is raping the justice system is a far cry from calling for violence.
  
  To turn the Zapiro cartoon into a half-baked excuse for censoring the press, is missing the point. It merely proves us Zuma critics right. There is something fishy brewing around this whole Zuma issue, which we will only be able to lay to rest by allowing lady justice to take her course. That is, with due respect for the rule of law.

How to get the Zapiro cartoon

• One word: satire. Political cartoons are meant to initiate discussion. We are talking about women being abused, reputations at stake, racism, the ruling party's threats to our judiciary and, thankfully enough, about Zuma's fitness for office.
  
  If you've thought or talked about the Zapiro cartoon (preferably in that order), you got the point.


• Rape is disgusting. Short of killing someone, it is the most vile deed you could possibly do to another person. While the manner in which Zuma's obvious disregard of the justice system is portrayed may raise a few eyebrows, it is certainly a very apt metaphor.
  
  If you've considered the message instead of the way the message was portrayed in the cartoon, you got the point.


• Imagine a world without freedom of the press. In this world, South Africa is still under apartheid, because without freedom of the press, no amount of pseudo-military training in Africa would ever have presented a real threat to the apartheid government. Without freedom of the press, South Africa would not have experienced economic sanctions, entertainment bans, sports bans and general upturn of noses due to apartheid.
  
  If you've started discussing what freedom of speech means to you and to the process of democracy, then you got the point.

We need to think very carefully about the leaders we elect. It's time to realise that the days of someone leading our country by divine right are over. Thanks to democracy, we are now directly responsible for our leaders. The government works for us, and not the other way around. Thanks to Zapiro, more of us will realise this.

If you looked at the Zapiro cartoon and you started thinking and talking about the fitness of Jacob Zuma to hold office, you got the point.

Disclaimer: this post is obviously an attempt at link baiting. I'm discussing the Zapiro cartoon to get sweet, sweet traffic.

If you read this post and thought: "What a cheap way to get hits!", then you got the point.

External links

• Jacob Zuma on Uncyclopedia, more satire than what is healthy. So close to the truth, it's scary!


• Satire on Wikipedia.


• Zapiro in Zuma cartoon uproar, from Mail & Guardian.


• Zapiro's official web site.

The Singularity Age

This is part four of "A field guide to Chauvinism". You may find the other parts here:

1. A field guide to chauvinism, part 1


2. The conquering archetype and the nurturing archetype, part 2.


3. Why we still need chauvinism, part 3.


4. The singularity age, part 4.

While many futurists and some AI researches refer to the fourth wave as the knowledge age, I feel this term is used mostly due to the status of knowledge in the field of information science. Information scientists employ the terms data, information and knowledge.

• Data is the raw, unstructured, uninterpreted information. In the digital age, data is bits and bytes.


• Information is data after it is interpreted and structured, much like this blog post you are reading right now. Students of a field work hard to gather information of that field.


• Knowledge is applied information. Experts in a field have far more than information on their subject matter. They have what is termed heuristics – general guidelines or rules of thumb – which come as a result of their years of experience in processing information.

Data from Star Trek: the Next Generation. His icy stare is raw and unstructured.

While expert systems brought the dusk of the knowledge society (see also knowledge economy), they did not bring about enough of a revolution to reason that they signalled the start of one of Toffler's waves of civilisation. Many believe that technological singularity will bring about such a revolution.

Singularity: A definition

Singularity is the creation of superintelligence. This implies creating intelligence that is smarter than human intelligence. Singularity is a mind boggling concept, which is precisely why it is called singularity.

Vernor Vinge originally coined the term "Singularity" in observing that, just as our model of physics breaks down when it tries to model the singularity at the centre of a black hole, our model of the world breaks down when it tries to model a future that contains entities smarter than human.
From What is the singularity?

Clarke's three laws

Arthur C Clarke, one of the most distinguished science fiction writers of all time, proposed three laws of prediction:

1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.


2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.


3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

When evaluating the knowledge age, with its emphasis on knowledge engineering and knowledge sharing, by these three laws, it is clear that it is a natural extension of the information age and not nearly sufficient to claim dominion in the fourth wave. The knowledge age is also unmistakably nurturing.

Clarke's laws themselves are nothing more than heuristics, and as such, products of the knowledge age. Gone are the days where scientists make rules which are absolute and always applicable. Newton would never have dreamt of writing laws of motion including the words probably, almost certainly, a little way past or sufficiently advanced, yet here is Clarke proposing a rough guide to evaluate predictions about the future.

There are already scientific fields like quantum mechanics which are based entirely on probability. After singularity occurs, all current human knowledge and experience would be effectively cast upon the not good enough pile. For this reason, I propose that the singularity age would require the conquering archetype in our mere organic intelligence if we are to survive the rise of the superintelligent machines.

Why singularity will have a revolutionary impact on our world

The short answer is hyperbolic growth. Most are familiar with the term exponential growth, but hyperbolic growth is even more impressive.

Exponential growth occurs when the growth rate is proportional to the current value. A famous example of exponential growth is the wheat and chessboard problem, whereby grains of rice are doubled on each square of the chessboard. The proportion of the growth rate here is constant.

Hyperbolic growth occurs when the proportion itself is growing exponentially. Ray Kurzweil calls this double exponential growth (“...meaning that the rate of exponential growth itself is growing exponentially...”). That's a lot of rice!

While technology has exhibited exponential growth thus far, we can expect the growth rate to go beyond mere exponential growth. One reason for this is that superintelligence would be employed to improve itself.

The conquering archetype will rule in the singularity age

The nature of the information age lends itself well to the prevalence of the nurturing archetype. Information is everywhere. Everyone is thought to be equal and everyone is thought to deserve their 15 minutes of fame. That is, in our postmodern society ("where everything is possible and almost nothing is certain") which places great emphasis on Nietzsche's radical perspectivism, all views may not be true, but all views are necessarily regarded as valid.

With the arrival of the information age, a new hierarchy in perspectives arrived. Since information was everywhere and readily available, those with information were common. Those with knowledge were a little harder to reach. This implied a hierarchy with those with information at the bottom of the pyramid, and those with knowledge at the top. Expert knowledge becomes more valid than novice information.

With the arrival of the knowledge age, yet another new hierarchy in perspectives arrived. Soon, knowledge would be commonplace. Those with knowledge – the experts – would soon become the bottom of the pyramid, while those with access to superintelligence would rise to the top. Superintelligence will become more valid than expert knowledge.


A viking by fantasy artist Daren Bader. You shall require a loincloth and a broadsword to survive singularity.

It is clear that the survival of our species may become threatened by a superintelligent entity. As we have seen, when the survival of a species is threatened, the law of the jungle comes into play. We will move beyond the placid, nurturing state of genetic drift we currently experience into the realm of natural selection. If we are to survive this next wave, we shall require dominion of the conquering archetype.

Next time someone calls you a chauvinist pig, tip your hat gracefully and say: "Thank you."

The Wicker Man

In ancient Celtic times, the wicker man was a large wicker effigy of a human being. It served as a scapegoat for all the ills of society, such as unwanted pregnancies, stillbirths, drought, warm beer and bearded women. Celts with their Black Sabbath Brummie accents and Asterix hats burnt the wicker man, thus ridding society of all its perceived ills.



The classic British cult horror, The Wicker Man (1973). Not to be confused with the retarded remake which starred Nicolas Cage (from the year that Cthulhu has cursed forever, for that very reason, 2006).

It worked to rid ancient England of its ills, because the villagers actually placed those who caused unwanted pregnancies, stillbirths, drought, warm beer and bearded women in the wicker man before they lit it. Whether those immolated with the wicker man deserved this or not, it certainly worked wonders to lower the amount of unwanted pregnancies and bearded women. When is the last time you saw a bearded woman? I rest my case.

Upon considering the wicker man and the classical logical fallacy of the straw man argument, one can't help but notice the similarities. I mean they're both effigies of men, made of straw (or wicker), and they burn.

The difference is that a real wicker man quickens the return of some men (and bearded women) to dust, while a straw man argument is a form of character assassination.

Here in Mzansi, we never had a wicker man. No, here wicker is far too useful for building shacks and filling the vacuum between your ears. We have a curious practice called necklacing instead. I'll spare you the gruesome detail. Suffice to say you better hope nobody comes knocking on your door when lightning strikes somebody.

I wanted to see either a wicker man or a straw man up in flames, if it's the last thing I did before Egoli. Well, it's currently winter here in a summer rainfall territory, meaning it's hardly necklacing season. I also haven't seen a bearded woman since the last time I went to the traffic department. Imagine my delight then when I found a straw man argument in the news.

"NP is back, itching for a fight"

The NP (the National Party) was the party of the 'architects of apartheid'. This fact is often pointed out by the ANC when they want to do a bit of character necklacing themselves. The fact that the NP was also the party of the architects of our democracy is not so often pointed out in these sessions. They don't serve to instill the sklavmoral, you see.

Regardless, this is not an instance where the ANC spewed forth their habitually obtuse drivel. Nay nay, this is a case where a journalist spewed forth ANC-like obtuse drivel. Of course, this is hardly surprising considering the innate affinity of those in soft sciences for sklavmoral, but damn it, I was looking for a straw man argument and I was going to see it proverbially in flames, immolated by necklacing, if it's the last thing I did before Egoli.

The nature of the yeast

Clearly, the author of NP is back, itching for a fight is brewing.

• The piece is littered with ad hominem attacks which have more in common with infecting Sefrikans with ideology as opposed to being informative. Isn't the media supposed to trust Sefrikans to have the ideologically ideal equal brain capacity each human possesses to formulate our own opinions?


• There are serious journalistic ethics and standards contraventions. There is no clear separation between news and opinion. Competing points of view are not portrayed in a balanced manner, nor are they characterised objectively. It's like a Polokwane conference.


• The presentation is not in a standard, formal variety of English. This is due to the atrociously exaggerated improperly opportunistic use of adjectives.

After a bit of googling, I learned that the author is in fact a columnist. The piece originated as a column in its native Sunday Independent, yet it was syndicated as news for iol.

It is thus not the author who had been negligent, but the editors of iol who decided to present the opinion of a columnist as news against better judgement. All you disinformation conspiracy theorists, reach for your alarm bells. The time is nigh to wear those tinfoil hats.

Dic mihi solum facta, domina (Just the facts, ma'am)

Sticking to the facts, the piece would be much shorter. Next time, think of the trees, you capitalist pigs! This is the same piece, minus the adjectives, plus my own bias:

• National Party spokesman Juan-Duval Uys was an employee of Cape Town councillor Badih Chaaban. Uys is no longer associated with Chaaban. In fact, Uys is currently a witness against Chaaban in an assault case.


• The NP is well aware of its past racially based practices. It is trying to bridge the gap between the races by having a more demographically representative (yawn) membership and launching a youth group to appeal to more black people. The youth group is to be launched by disillusioned ANC youth (read: members of the ANCYL who haven't received a Model C-class Mercedes Benz yet).


• The NP is well aware that the DA has become a refuge for former Natte who switched from wearing khaki to wearing Nigerian buba without realising that wearing Nigerian man dresses is not exactly showing your ethnic solidarity.
  
  Uys and his party are trying to win back the favour of these voters by claiming to implement non-racial employment policies once they come into power. I'm thinking they'd need bigger Mercedes Benz luxury vehicles if they're going to succeed with this one.


• The NP is well aware that being associated with its Protestant Afrikaner past is going to be a stumbling block for many who adhere to different religious faiths. More specifically, the NP learnt from the blunders of the ANC that the majority of people want the separation of the church and state, or pay lip service to that noble concept at the very least.


• Uys blames Marthinus 'used to be kortbroek but is now tree-hugging buba boy' Van Schalkwyk for proverbially floor crossing (read: taking the standard bribe of a Model C-class Mercedez Benz) to the ANC and disbanding the NP without consultation with the rest of the party members.


• Black diamonds, the rising black middle class, who just like white Africans (read: colonialists in PC terms) my age did not grow up under apartheid and were largely unaffected by it and definitely not responsible for it, are disillusioned by the leading party's talk of revolution.
  
  Most of us are easy pickings to a party who manages to move away from ethnicity issues. The Anglophile black youth are more in tune with Y-fm and Usher than with the ANC and Stalin. They are unashamedly more skilled than their unskilled counterparts, they are unapologetically ready to make money and they rightfully feel that they don't need to rely on BEE to prove that they are worth as much as whiteys with degrees. Uys is trying to sway them to the NP side with his envisioned youth brigade and his talk of more realistic employment policies.


• Uys is trying to cash in on the relative respect former president and Nobel peace prize winner F.W de Klerk enjoys. De Klerk should enjoy this respect for being integral to the transition from apartheid to a social democracy (read: serfdom that realises it needs to keep capitalists on a leash to feed the rest of the animal farm), but in reality de Klerk just has respect because he is associated with another former president, Nelson Mandela.
  
  De Klerk is evasive and weary about being associated with the Neo-New-National Party, but the link has already been forged in the popular press.

Why I will not vote for the NP

"On religion, the NP says it respects the practice of all, but will not tolerate Satanism."

That's like saying you're a non-smoker, except for menthol. As far as I am concerned, this dark Satanic anti-revolutionary legion is yet to be discovered. Of course, you get the odd Slipknot ninja, who is disowned even by Satanists for being an idiot. Next thing Uys is going to tell us that Rodney Seale is going to be the vice president once they come into power.

I am apolitical (libertarian at best), but I do feel that voting for any party except the ruling party at any point is a good idea to prevent a disproportionate amount of power in any party's court. We don't want a de facto single party state like the ANC has run into the ground for the past 15 years.

ANC apologists are quick to point out that we've had an impressive economic growth rate of above 4% for the past couple of years. They are not so quick to point out that in 1995, our GDP was 1 548 100. In 2005, our GDP was 1 523 254. For the period of 1995 to 2000, the average household income actually decreased. The GDP took a huge dump from 1995 and took until 2005 to recover. This means we spent an entire decade just catching up with what the minority managed to achieve all by themselves during apartheid.

We're not anywhere near actual growth. The key to surviving our public health system is not getting sick. We have a serious brain drain, just like the entire world apparently, but our skilled people are leaving to fix the entire world's problems because of our crime and our mampara BEE serfdom (which is bound to get worse if the Tzars of the ANC implement their Hugo Chavez-like nationalising of privately owned property as per the proposed expropriation bill).

Because they retain their skilled people, other emerging economies like China, India and Brazil are riding the wave of the global recession while South Africa is still following the white rabbit after the tired 'rich get richer while the poor get poorer' sloganeering down the socialist dream world rabbit hole.

How can the poor get poorer? They're already rock bottom poor. You can't take nothing away from someone.

From what I've seen, the NP are committed to rectifying these wrongs. They are making a big splash in a small pond, but they are hardly offering anything that other opposition parties like the DA, IFP or the UDM aren't offering already.

The difference is that the DA and the UDM would allow me to be a Satanist if I really wanted (as does our wonderful constitution). If you're going to have an effective group, you're going to have to live with views you don't agree with.

"A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular." - Adlai Stevenson

In other words, a free society is a society without the wicker man. Now if there were a political party with a bearded woman, they'd automatically get my vote!

Is Emo Influenced By Buddhism?

“Believe nothing just because a so-called wise person said it. Believe nothing just because a belief is generally held. Believe nothing just because it is said in ancient books. Believe nothing just because it is said to be of divine origin. Believe nothing just because someone else believes it. Believe only what you yourself test and judge to be true.”
Buddha

The Million Blog Project

I'm # 123

Some correlations between Buddhism and emo

In The chauvinist guide to feminism, part 2, I poked fun at emo. Emo, just like religion, is an easy target, but just because it is an easy target doesn't mean it shouldn't be stomped on once in a while. Stomping on homo-erotic fascinations such as these reinforces their respective persecution complexi. Once, the Romans fed Christians to lions, now we merely feed their pathologies.


Shannon Elizabeth. Not emo. Not Buddhist. Just right.

I'd pick on Islam, but those guys don't know how to fly and I live in a tall building. I resolved to poke fun at something completely harmless and docile. From these hot topics, I chose Buddhism as the hot topic of the day.

No bugs were harmed during the writing of this post.

The Four Noble Truths

If you want to know more about this religion, try this 5 minute introduction to Buddhism. Buddhism is responsible for the cliché 'it's not a religion/car/pyramid scheme/hair removal product/bunch of bullshit, it's a way of life'.

Technically, Buddhism isn't a religion, because it is not about worshipping a god. It is about awakening to the real world and by awakening to the real world, Buddhists mean accepting the four noble truths. The four noble truths have nothing to do with Michael Moore or UFO sightings, they are:

1. Life means suffering


2. The origin of suffering is attachment


3. The cessation of suffering is attainable


4. There is a path to the cessation of suffering

Life means suffering?


This is Mr Self-harm, the emo deity. Mr Self-destruct? Thank you, Trent Reznor.

Life means suffering!

That does look like a statement that the one-eyed adolescents of gender defying cosmetic skills would cut into their thighs with a razor.

The origin of suffering is attachment

Attachment. Right. Attachment to some of these might point to the origin of suffering:

• Myspace


• Hair dye


• Shitty punk bands. Actually, that's a tautology. You could just say punk bands


• Eyeliner


• Muppet fringes


• Hair removal gone wrong


• For a girl, chatting up a girl and getting a guy


• For a guy, chatting up a guy and getting a girl


• For a girl, chatting up a guy and getting a girl


• For a guy, chatting up a girl and getting a girl. Well, this only causes suffering when you are emo

But most of all, attachment to those ridiculously tight trousers. You would have to be Jewish, with the circumcision done by an extremely drunk Rabbi who lost his contact lenses at a Bar Mitzvah earlier that day to fit into those.

That might explain the affinity to cutting. It might also explain why one would think that life is suffering. When someone takes a scalpel to your wabos, or anywhere near it, there is reason enough for a life of angst filled with depression.

The cessation of suffering is attainable

The bad news is, a foreskin can't grow back. And neither will your wabos. And neither will your hair once you start balding from too much dye. The good news is tears may be wiped away. Even when they leave deep grooves in your eyeliner.

Emo thinks the cessation of suffering comes with death. In practice, it usually comes after puberty.

There is a path to the cessation of suffering

To achieve a cessation of suffering, Buddhism prescribes the noble eightfold path. This path is meant to be a journey that leads to the gaining of wisdom, ethical conduct and mental development.

1. Right View


2. Right Intention


3. Right Speech


4. Right Action


5. Right Livelihood


6. Right Effort


7. Right Mindfulness


8. Right Concentration

This is were emo gets left behind. Emo does not seem to think there is a cessation of suffering during this lifetime.

Is emo influenced by Buddhism?

Both emo and Buddhism claim that life means suffering. I'm sure Paris Hilton has endured a life of immense hardship and unbelievable suffering.

Both emo and Buddhism claims that attachment is the origin of suffering. To Buddhism, it means attachment to mundane things like wealth and health insurance. To emo, it means attachment to the commercial nature of our society - to the mainstream, but in practice it means attachment to your gender.

Both emo and Buddhism see a cessation to suffering. To emo, the release of endorphins due to self-harm is the temporary cessation. To Buddhism, detachment is the cessation.

Finally, emo and Buddhism do not see eye to eye when it comes to the way to cease suffering. Emo and Buddhism just don't see one eye to epicanthic fold eyes when it comes to this crucial point.



Jane's Addiction, inventive and experimental drag queens from the eighties. Inventive means they didn't really write songs. Experimental means they took lots of drugs and messed around on instruments while high. Drugs. The ignoble onefold path to the cessation of suffering.

In conclusion, I would say there is a 75% correlation between the doctrine of Buddhism and emo. The other 25% of emo is just gay. You could argue that Jane's Addiction is responsible for emo, but I think it is more likely that Marilyn Manson or Trent Reznor caused emo, much to their dismay.

Since the Buddha encourages individualist thinking, and emo demands conforming to their look and way of life, I feel Buddhism "the way of life" deserves some credit as a valuable meme.

Related links

• AMG Media, for the free stock photos.


• Emo on Wikipedia


• Gautama Buddha on Wikipedia


• Shannon Elizabeth pictures on iFrance


• Some inspirational quotes from the Buddha.


• The Coffee Boys. Coffee is a necessary companion on the path to the cessation of suffering.

Completely Inappropriate Synopses of Selected Steven Spielberg Films

Steven Spielberg, one of the most celebrated directors of our time.

This evolved out of a forum game. The purpose of the game is to provide a completely inappropriate synopsis for movies. This inappropriate synopsis should either

• spoil the plot


• offend the reader


• offend the writer


• offend the reader, offend the writer and spoil the plot


• be otherwise inappropriate

If you sugar-coated a synopsis with quiet diplomacy and politically correct terms and it still had a foul politically incorrect stench, you are on the right track.

Reminds me of a similar game president Robert Mugabe and president Thabo Mbeki like to play with people's lives, namely give a completely inappropriate synopsis of the current state of your country.

My version of completely inappropriate movie synopses will not endanger human lives (other than my own, perhaps) and is less hurtful. But not much.

I did not try to be as politically incorrect as I could, but I did try to step on a few toes. To aid me in my quest, I looked at a list of isms political correctness tries to sweep under the carpet:

• ageism – I somehow missed this one


• racism – check


• religious intolerance - check


• sexism – check


• xenophobia – check

If your toes are hurting after reading these, I achieved my purpose.

The politically incorrect and completely inappropriate guide to selected Steven Spielberg films

Film poster for Jews. I mean, Jaws.

Jaws
This Darwinian view on the potential outcome of global warming where the whiteys get mauled by a gigantic great white shark for their colonialist ways doesn't have a single brother who gets killed. Everyone knows black people can't swim. That's what you get for going against nature and putting your white ass where Jesus didn't put it. This movie does have a great white, but it's not you. Ha ha, honky! Ha ha!

Close Encounters of the Third Kind
A man and his faeces cake get abducted by aliens who like Jean Michel Jarre way too much. Xenu tricks him with fancy lights, fancy aeronautics and the smell of patchouli to sacrifice his rectum willingly to their advanced science, elongated appendages and culinary skills they clearly abducted from the French. The search for one intergalactic faeces cake to bind them all.

E.T - The Extra-Terrestrial
An illegal alien who actually wants to leave America, the land of opportunity. He skips the tardy queues at the immigration office by calling his parents to pick him up and take him back to Mexico. That's somewhere in Africa, right?

Poltergeist
Dabblers in the occult get what they deserve. Amen, Jesus. Amen.

Gremlins
The heart warming tale of a man and his gerbils. Features a few good reasons why men shouldn't cook. Contains scenes of suggested felching.

The Color Purple
In this tale about the ordeal one Muslim woman had to endure during the crusades, Whoopi Goldberg proves that as a black person, she only got that Affirmative Action Oscar because she has a Jewish surname. Welcome to Hollywood.

Hook
Freud gets his day when a grown man prefers to live a life of frolicking with prepubescent boys instead of living with a woman of his own age who is willing to smell his farts, cook his food and clean his house. Maybe she reminds him of his mother and living with little boys is easier than living with his guilt. I pray that Jesus delivers this man from his homosexual abominations before he is old enough to wear nappies again. Amen, Jesus. Amen.

Schindler's List
A near black and white comedy based on life in Nazi Germany, which is transformed into a tragedy when a German soldier dies.

Amistad
Amistad proves that making films about Jewish suffrage is more profitable than making films about black people being exploited. It is fashionable to hate Nazis, but it's not fashionable to hate slave drivers when they are so close to home. The movie features black people from the 1800s. They couldn't swim back then and they can't swim now.

A.I: Artificial Intelligence
One of Hollywood's best directors delivers one of his best projects. Pity Spielberg had to get involved to turn Kubrick's final project into another boy and his alienation (alien nation?) film. Not even the advanced robotics portrayed in the film could make the gay white android dance. Black people can't swim, white people can't dance. Not even as gay androids. Amen, Charles Darwin. Amen.

Minority Report
This is a futuristic documentary about the kind of dystopian life Tom Cruise and Scientology want for us all. For our own good. Amen, L Ron Hubbard. Amen.

Another completely inappropriate synopsis

Yes, the three little pigs is offensive and completely inappropriate. I wonder how inappropriate it is since Green Jelly mixed it with secular rock music?

Now that's completely inappropriate for a niche blog dedicated to heavy metal albums and horror films. Racism, xenophobia, sexism, ageism and religious intolerance is one thing. Actually, they are five things, but secular rock music is another thing all together. I think I crossed the line this time. Don't despair, there will be more heavy metal and horror films as soon as I burnt all my Fleetwood Mac LPs.

Completely Inappropriate Links

• Baa, baa black sheep. Yes, it is ageism at its worst. Or was that religious intolerance? Whatever.


• Suffolk Center of the Holocaust, Diversity & Human Understanding . I shit you not.


• The three little pigs story offends nappy-headed hos and thus the UK refuses to transmit this harmful meme in its schools. Well, as a vegetarian I'm offended by phrases such as: "Behead those who insult salami!". Or was that: "Behead those who insult Islam?". I can never remember.


• Top 10 politically incorrect phrases of 2007. Good for a laugh. In Australia, you can't say:"Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!". You have to say: "Ha, ha, ha!". Well, I just did.


• Roald Dahl's The Three Little Pigs. Now THAT is offensive. Xenophobia in rhyme, no less.