Showing posts with label spandex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spandex. Show all posts

19 February 2008

Iron Maiden Live After Death DVD Review



What does a hot milf have to do with Iron Maiden? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I put in random hot milfs and text with hot hot porn saki saki hot sex midget sex alien lesbian tentacle sex milf sex milf hunt on my site to get hits.

Conclusion


No broken home should be without one.

Iron Maiden “Live After Death” DVD


The legendary “Live After Death” concert from 1984. It has the sickest cover in metal history. Looking at it is like someone casting my hand in the metal hand sign.



It was previously released on VHS. Surviving video cassette copies are as scarce as decent Metallica albums after Cliff Burton died. The Irons have never done it small, with the notable exception of a few tasteful Asian groupies perhaps.

If you ever woke up after a really rough night only to discover the foul stench of camel dung and the mesmerising panorama of the sun rising over the sphinx, you might experience a sense of deja-voodoo when you witness the stage décor.

You might also consider cutting down a little on the partying.

There are Eddies here colossal enough to take on all the Transformers. They are nearly robust enough to take on Andrea Dworkin and live to tell the tale.


Andrea Dworkin. Gladiators, are you ready?

Highlights



  • The epic mullet of Bruce Dickinson.

  • Iron Maiden's god-like spandex immunity.

  • In the Martin Birch produced stereo audio setting, you can get Dave Murray's guitar through the left speaker, and Adrian Smith's guitar through the right speaker. Multiple eargasms!

  • Kevin Shirley did a 5.1 Dobly Surround Sound Satan-O-Phonic mix, but I didn't bother because Kevin Shirley tried to turn Dream Theater into Marillion.

  • On the bonus disk (which has a shitload on it), a Polish gent tells Bruce that he wants to mek havee mettle with a synthesiser. Bruce responds with: “No. You can't play heavy metal with a synthesiser.” Well, you can't.

  • Scream for me Long Beach!

  • Did I mention the cover is awesome?

  • Unholy fuck it's an Iron Maiden DVD!! How much more convincing do you need? Infidel!


”Scream for me Long Beach!”

Rating


16 February 2008

Review of Firefrost Arcanum by Vesania

Conclusion


A blackened-death metal bandwagon band that does a great job. Something of a Vader side-project with corpse paint, windmill head-banging and minor Roland keyboard abuse. It shall not make you guilty of metal hand sign abuse, nay nay.


'Marduke's Mazemerising', performed live.

Review


  • According to Wikipedia, this Polish super group shares the awkward blackened-death metal genre with Vital Remains. Genres mean very little to me, so I'll take Wikipedia's word for it.

  • Vesania has also been compared with Dimmu Borgir. Everyone from Nightwish to Opeth have been compared to Dimmu Borgir, so this comparison doesn't really mean much. If you like the live video of the band, chances are you would like this album. There are no big surprises, with the overall feel of the album being similar to Marduke's Mazemerising.

  • To me, Vesania comes across as a barbaric Emperor. Emperor has orchestrations integral to their big sound. Vesania has more primal riffs with keyboard parts added in the background to accentuate certain parts. Another exception is that there are no clean vocal parts.

  • Many metal bands proved themselves worthy when it comes to writing full scale orchestra productions, but few have the budget to realise this dream. Personal preference tends to appreciate a keyboard sample orchestra more than big budget film score conductions. It allows the unholy trinity of guitar, bass and drums to carry the brunt of the assault, while the keyboards add the fire and brimstone aroma. Horror film music does appeal to me, but not in the same way that a metal album does. The beans should not touch the rice, if you know what I mean.

  • Orion, who does vocals, also plays in Behemoth. While I am a big fan of Behemoth, I don't really like Nergal's vocals. I prefer Orion's death growl singing to that of Nergal.

  • Daray from Vader fame plays drums. Nothing wrong with that.

  • There is an interesting interplay between bombastic riffs and folk-inspired melodies. For instance, Algorfocus Nefas features a theme very similar to Anton La Vey's Battle Hymn of the Apocalypse. This "heaven and hell" juxtaposing always works for me.



Lerue Delashay's interpretation of 'Battle Hymn of the Apocalypse'.

Astute readers may note that I failed to deride religion in this post. This is not on purpose, and I apologise to regular readers. You could say I took a sabbatical from mocking religion. No pun intended.

Visit the official Vesania site for more information and a few downloads.

Track listing



  1. path 1. mystherion. crystaleyes

  2. path 2. introit algor

  3. path 3. nova persei

  4. path 4. algorfocus nefas

  5. path 5. marduke's mazemerising

  6. path 6. moonthrone. dawn broken

  7. path 7. introit focus

  8. path 8. daemoonion act II

  9. path 9. introit nefas

  10. path 10. dukedom black act I


Personell


Orion: guitars; voicals.
Daray: drums and percussion.
Heinrich: bass
Siegmar: keymaster
Annahvahr: guitars

Rating


06 February 2008

Dagon (2001) Review


Conclusion
A noble effort by Miskatonic University graduates. It features buckets of blood and everybody's favourite Cephalopoda: Cthulhu! The Great Old One even gets a sacrifice or two.

This film is clearly low budget, but whether that is a weakness or a strength depends on your perception. I feel necessity breeds invention. And sometimes a race of Merpeople.

Plot
Barbara and Paul are enjoying a cruise when their ship suddenly becomes shipwrecked. That's what you get for letting an IT professional navigate without google earth. They seek help in a nearby Spanish harbour. At first, the inhabitants seem friendly, but the tide soon turns.

The inhabitants are a tad more than eccentric. In fact, they are just plain creepy:
  • they have no electricity. No, this is not a South African port, but a fictional Spanish town called Imboca

  • there is a strange symbol everywhere

  • there are virtually no opposable thumbs in Imboca

  • no really, I am not kidding. There are virtually no opposable thumbs in Imboca

It turns out that Barbara was kidnapped instead of being helped. To what end? Well, that's where Cthulhu comes in.

Inhabitants of Imboca faithfully answer to the call of Cthulhu. If you aren't chanting "Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftaghn!" by now, you might not enjoy this movie.

Review
  • Dagon is loosely based on the works of H.P. Lovecraft. In particular, the tales Dagon and The Shadow Over Innsmouth were used: Dagon for the name, and the latter for the plot. The infamous author is long since "dead but dreaming", which means you can find the complete works of H.P. Lovecraft for download, free.

  • There is some CGI, but it is not intrusive. More importantly, it is not tacky. You won't find actors playing imaginary dodge ball in front of a blue screen. It must be one of the few recorded incidents of tastefully used CGI.

  • There are several latex heads. Even latex hands. Expect even anatomically non-descript latex, but as far as I could tell there were no severed latex heads.

  • Expect even some fine breast implants on display.

  • A man features as the protagonist and a woman as an antagonist, or half a woman as an antagonist. Nevertheless, for the most part, Dagon abides by the 10 Commandments of Horror.

  • Produced by Brian Yuzna, who also directed Faust: Love Of the Damned. He is one of my favourite producers, because if you see his name on a credit roll, it means buckets of blood. Dagon is no exception. Let's just say your skin will crawl.

  • Dagon is Spanish actor Francisco Rabal's last film. The dynamic between him and Ezra Godden is great to watch, especially in the dialogue right before Rabal's character gets... no wait, that would be telling. Watch it!

  • It could always do with more ooze.

  • It could always do with more fine breast implants.

Dagon also teaches us morality. It suggests a perplexing philosophy, sometimes difficult to grasp, but for the layman it could be summarised in a few words:

What Would Cthulhu Do?

Director
Stuart Gordon

Cast
Ezra Godden
Macarena Gómez
Raquel Meroño
Jorge Luis Pérez
Francisco Rabal

Rating

24 November 2007

Two Alice Cooper DVDs

I recently got these 2 DVDs of live performances by Alice Cooper. Typically, I am drawn to the older Alice Cooper with a stable kick-ass band lineup that diluted due to megalomania - something necessary to both the survival of a band and its downfall - and the tolls of the rock and roll lifestyle. This lineup captured a performance on film, but that's not one of the ones I got hold of, unfortunately. The first solo tour of singer Alice Cooper after the band Alice Cooper became defunct is offered on the first DVD, while the second DVD offers an Alice Cooper from the eighties when his antics proved a hit with the ümlaut heävy crowd.

Welcome To My Nightmare
Alice Cooper started in the sixties as one of the first ghoulish leather-clad shock rock mayhem makers, and not as a stunt double for The Crow as rumours may have you believe. Welcome To My Nightmare hosts one of the most compelling and influential performers of all time battling his way through props comprising gigantic spiders, skeletons, concerned parents and most ruthless of all - journalists.

Alice Cooper Welcome To My Nightmare DVD cover from Wikipedia

It would not be a self-respecting seventies show if there were no bass or drum solos. These are thrown in for good measure, plus the bassist has a Brakpan snor and does some porno grooves which stretch the spandex of all the dancers just a tad. As an added bonus, there are many pärking lot scenes with audience members all claiming the genius of Alice Cooper in foreign accents and mock-Cooper face paint.

The Nightmare Returns
The eighties. A decade of decadence. Following the precedent set by Led Zeppelin, bands like Mötley Crüe went hellbent for leather and tried very hard to destroy themselves. Alice Cooper on the other hand rediscovered Jesus and sobriety and subsequently some of his short term memory. Like where he put his old spandex.

The Nightmare Returns features a much more confident Alice Cooper with a pseudo-virtuoso band and less intervals between the songs. The audience would tolerate none of that anyway. This time the enemy comprises of boa constrictors, plastic dolls and nefarious makeup, but worst of all - he confronts it with ten years more worth of sagging skin in what appears to be the same spandex. Except it grew an exoskeleton.

Wait at least two hours after a heavy meal before watching.

Google sucks piles I'm moving to Steemit

Short and sweet, Google isn't allowing me to post ads on my blogs here on blogspot any longer. Not that I provide my angry nerd rants fo...