23 February 2008

Watch My Monster Cock

It Is True - I Have a Monster Cock


My monster cock is from a planet of giant cocks. This gigantic cock obtained illicit entry into South Africa through a backdoor.

I raised my monster cock, hiding him from the authorities, until my monster cock became too big to contain in my humble abode. A famous producer saw my monster cock. From that day on, my monster cock starred in his own movies.

You can imagine what kind of movies my monster cock likes making. Yes, you guessed it - creature features!

Cockzilla the king of the monster cocks
Cockzilla, a movie starring my monster cock. It lost a 'c' during translation.

My monster cock unleashed
My monster cock unleashed nearly as much damage as Godzilla unleashed.

The biggest monster cock facial
A monster cock facial. Even in Hollywood, they keep spelling his name wrong.

My monster cock likes facials. He says monster cock facials highlight his eyes.

Teaching My Monster Cock New Tricks


My monster cock is not only big, hard and useful for lifting heavy metal objects. I managed to train my cock to read and write. This means that my monster cock is always ready and willing to slip between the covers of a good book.

However, when it comes to working with a computer, my monster cock goes limp.

Don't let your monster cock play with your computer
Cockzilla tries to work at the console.

Monster cock tries to penetrate the privacy of Scarlett Johansson
Cockzilla discovered Scarlett Johansson. Well, he tried. Seems like my monster cock can't spell either.

While my monster cock is useful for lifting heavy metal objects, you came here lured by the promise of heavy metal bands and top class horror DVD reviews. Fear not, for my monster cock found this jam session by an up and coming death metal band from South Africa. They are called Bile of Man:

Bile of Man Jam Session




Brutal. You found some heavy metal after all!

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2 comments:

Titania Starlight said...

Whoa this really grabbed my attention! Love it.

Metal dudes are sexxxy!

Bile of Man said...

Debut gig this weekend.

Saturday, April 12th, 2008 @ Tempos
03:00 PM - 01:00 AM


15:00-16:00 Battle winner
16:00-17:00 Hell To Pay
17:00-18:00 Selfmoord
18:00-19:00 Facing The Gallows
19:00-20:00 He Sha Burn
20:00-21:00 Elivery
21:00-22:00 The Dead Will Tell
22:00-23:00 Tranquil
23:00-00:00 Architecture Of Aggression
00:00-01:00 Bile Of Man


Dark Sowing Festival @ Zeplins 19 April 2008

Main Stage:
20:00 Giant Pain
21:00 Barely Breathing
22:00 Underbelly
23:00 Chromium
00:00 Murder by Method

Metal Stage:
20:00 Unforsaken Truth
21:00 Bile of Man
22:00 Elegy
23:00 Urban Vitamin
00:00 Demented Martyr

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