The chauvinist guide to feminism, part 1

Introduction

Feminism. To some of us, just like other excuses for ineptitude, not a religion but a way of life. To others, it is one more reason not to speak your mind, not to honour your true feelings and slowly wither under the weight (and they do have the weight advantage) of political correctness and equal opportunity. Similar in frustration to being stuck in a confined space with a religious nut, trying to put the Christ back in Xmas, when there was no Christ in Christmas in the first place. After decades of cooking our own meals, doing our own laundry and in some extreme cases, even watching soapies, it is time for one formerly advantaged chauvinist to step back and determine how relevant feminism is today, with our negative first world population growth and third world population boom. What exactly is negative growth anyway? It either grows, or it shrinks? Make that first world population shrinkage. But first, he has to try and comprehend what this feminism is.

A definition of feminism

Merriam-Webster defines feminism as either a "theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes", or an "organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests". Sounds simple enough, but we shall see that there are about as many feminisms as there are feminists.

For the sake of this argument, all the different branches of feminism are lumped together. Please realise that I am not an expert on feminism. I used a quick glance at the Wikipedia article on feminism with the purpose of providing a brief overview of the history of the movement.

Similar to alleged alien invasions, feminist invasions occur in waves (not to be mistaken for blow waves, as only mentally conditioned females partake in preening).

First Wave feminism

This wave deals mainly with the Suffrage movement. Mary Wollstonecraft gave women the notion that they too can make up their minds about the leaders of their country. Come to think of it, they see their children sent off to war so maybe this notion is not too far fetched. Or maybe some lilly-livered mama's boys just wanted mammy to vote them into parliament? It's Nero all over again. In Britain, the Suffragettes were only concerned with their own voting rights, but in the United States, the girls also clubbed together against slavery once they got their voting rights. You can never please girls.

Because men had monopolised violence since the invention of the club and then hid its mysteries from women, first wave of feminism was characterised by the writing of essays, mass demonstrations and denying nookie to their spouse. Cunning stunts.

Strength
They did not need strength. They had the numbers, they had the manipulative ways.


Dexterity
Reading, writing, bitching, moaning. Not bad for a bunch of girls.


Constitution
Women were still rearing kids and doing the housework. And they did it well.


Intelligence
They got what they wanted, and in all fairness they were right. Although I can't admit that girls are right, that is breaking the guy code.


Wisdom
They didn't turn to violence and they were still sleeping with the enemy.


Charisma
Convinced the men of their time, albeit with a bit of tough love.


Hit points
Radical transformation for all society.

Second Wave feminism

In the public mind, when you say feminist you immediately think of someone burning a bra, thanks to the second wave of feminism. This wave started in the 1960s. The peanut gallery began equating feminism with a matriarchy. This may or may not be accurate, since certain old boys clubs still run corporations and pay women disproportionate salaries for doing the same work as men.

Now the bra is a male invention, they say. Just like the bra limits the movements of a lady, males limit the achievements of women. Second wave feminism argues that your role as a woman is dictated to you by men. This is where the term women's liberation originated. It is abbreviated women's lib, but might as well be women's lip.

If women have such a problem with wearing a bra, they should stop wearing them. In fact, Levis were invented by a man. They should stop wearing jeans too. Just to be safe, all women should go naked and be truly liberated. Wear only what mother nature designed, decorated and designated to you. Women know what is best for women!

For the brainiacs, The Personal is Political, an essay by Carol Hanisch , and The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan sum up the sentiments of this era.

Giving the devil her due, I agree with the notion of equal pay for equal work, regardless of gender or race. However, I still maintain a laissez-fair system is more valuable than one where a government enforces equality on its people. Now if feminism could achieve a laissez-fair system, I'd marry one and make my own fucking sandwiches.

Strength
Organising mass actions, getting unions behind them and brassiere arson.


Dexterity
Well, it boils down to bitching and moaning.


Constitution
Women started neglecting the household at this stage.


Intelligence
Universities were implemented and strategically targeted.


Wisdom
Didn't manage to loosen the stronghold the old male sages have on this one quite yet.


Charisma
All that braless mass actions took its toll.


Hit points
Some feminists have a valid point, some want to see women as sex objects, some would skin testicles with their bare teeth if they didn't belong to men. That's the testicles belonging to men, not the women.

Third Wave feminism

Well, you see now, actually. Third wave feminism started at some vague point in time, trying to achieve well, something non-descript. The methods they used were not quite as barbaric as burning your own clothes. The movement used methods of well, see, there are talks of post-feminism. And when something is post you know it is over. By now, anyone who is still a hardcore feminist is probably just prejudiced and trying to blame external forces for their own shortcomings. Somewhere along the line, they managed to make men turn to bitching and moaning. Guess it comes with the territory of cooking and cleaning.

During this wave, feminism stumbled upon the notion of female writing. This is a trap! Writing is good or bad, just like science is valid or invalid. Just because a woman wrote it, doesn't make it any more significant than when a man wrote it. During this wave of feminism, it went from being considered equals of men, to being considered better than men. Whatever, standing up pissing or lighting your own farts will never be a neat party trick for a girl. Well, maybe at some of my parties. But that's hardly the norm you want to aim for.

Strength
Of a bear, like Womarshall Bravestar!


Dexterity
Some women are dexterous, some are useless idiots. Same as your average man, really.


Constitution
Dude, seriously. Women don't want to cook, most men can't cook for shit, and McDonalds and Steers are not exactly going to give you the body of a goddess.


Intelligence
Some women are smart, some are useless idiots. Same as your average man, really


Wisdom
Come on, haven't you realised it by now? If you have a stronghold over a man's nutritional intake, you have leverage over the poor hungry bastard. No cooking, no cleaning, no wisdom. But have one wisdom point from a man, because we have some to spare.


Charisma
I'm going to give all women a good charisma score, because some women are simply spanktastic.
Even in Levis, with a bra underneath their tops.


Hit points
Nothing special.

Want to read part 2?

Read The chauvinist guide to feminism, part 2 - Where feminists are wrong here.

The Terminator (1984)

Director
James Cameron

Cast
Michael Biehn
Linda Hamilton
Bill Paxton
Shawn Schepps
Arnold Schwarzenegger

Plot
The film takes place in 1984. A robot is sent back from the future to assassinate a woman. Her unborn son is destined to lead a rebellion against the future robot leaders of the world. This son also sends back someone to protect his mom and himself. The robot and the soldier end up ruining half the economically active population in their battle for the woman's life, but all is fair in love and war. Even time travelling and big poodle hair.

Review
This is a superb twist on the 1984 Big Brother theme. Imagine being stalked by an indestructible cyborg from the future with an Austrian accent to boot. Of course, the pitiful machine is up against Linda Hamilton. Even “the Governator” Arnie doesn't stand a chance against that much testosterone.

Brad Fiedel deserves a special mention for his creepy synthesiser soundtrack. While the film has aged badly, it remains a classic. The dialogue is stuck in the middle of the eighties, but the storyline is impeccable. I particularly enjoy the twist of making the bad guy the good guy in the second film, because in this one the bad guy is seriously bad.

Conclusion
If you are concerned about the low educational value of Sci-Fi films with body counts as high as this one, consider the indispensable recycling lessons, particularly in the closing scene.

Rating


Coming soon: The chauvinist guide to feminism.

Evil Dead (1983)

Director
Sam Raimi

Cast
Betsy Baker
Bruce Campbell
Richard DeManincor
Ellen Sandweiss
Theresa Tilly

Plot
Five college students decide to make vacation in a cabin in the woods. The desolate forest leads them to do what college students are inclined to do, namely indulge in a little occult ritual in addition to making hanky panky sexy time.

They stumble upon an audio cassette player (it's like the iPod of the eighties that works with a steam engine) that summons evil spirits. If you remember audio cassettes, you can summon spirits with them by playing the tape backwards, or if you let the tape lie on your dashboard in the sun and then play it. Of course the only persons with enough mojo to play a tape backwards were Satanic musicians and evangelist preachers. Interesting connection they share.

This cassette contains passages from the Necronomicon, a mythical book invented by H.P. Lovecraft as part of his ploy to mock religion. The Necronomicon of Evil Dead is not so innocuous, and evil spirits start to haunt the cabin. The Bruce and his consorts have to battle the spirits with McGuyver-like ingenuity.

Review
In the year of our Bruce - well, Bruce can make it any year he likes, at any given time – Sam Raimi documented the pristine manner in which to deal with an undead attack. It is true that one Romano first brought us knowledge of the existence of zombies, casting his lots on their side. Alas, this had been before the coming of our Bruce. Generous helpings of whoopass and chainsaws put these metaphysical entities in their place. Evil Dead should be passed from generation to generation to ensure our children and our children's children - even the test tube ones - know how to prepare for an attack from the undead. The Bruce should be made a saint and honoured by having one hand of our firstborn replaced with a chainsaw in his homage.

Conclusion
The Bruce deserves to be further immortalised in the mind of the public with his own strand of poor attempts at humour, from the same genus as those of The Hoff, The Chuck and The Shat. Maybe not The Shat, but Evil Dead is superawesome!

Rating

Ministry - Psalm 69: The Way to Succeed and the Way to Suck Eggs

Personell
M Balch – Keyboards, Programming
Paul Barker – Bass, Programming, Vocals
H Beno – Programming
Gibby Haynes – Vocals on "Jesus Built My Hotrod"
Al Jourgensen – Vocals, Guitars, Keyboards
Hypo Luxa – Producer
P Manno – Engineer
J C Newell – Engineer
Hermes Pan – Producer
Bill Rieflin – Drums
Mike Scaccia– Guitars
Louis Svitek – Guitar

Track listing

1. N.W.O


2. Just One Fix


3. TV II


4. Hero


5. Jesus Built My Hotrod


6. Scare Crow


7. Psalm 69


8. Corrosion


9. Grace

Review
When Ministry recorded this album, they were rising superstars of the er bludgeoning industrial scene. Although they do not make industrial in the strict sense of the word, they do employ studio wizardry to infinity and beyond. Aggressive and more like 10 000 punches in your face than Nine Inch Nails would ever muster, this appeals to me although I mostly like my metal.

You might wonder who Hypo Luxa and Hermes Pan are. Hypo Luxa is a pseudonym for Al Jourgensen, and Hermes Pan is the alias of Paul Barker. Maybe this was their way of screwing the record company out of more money? Good, because record companies deserve to be screwed. Not in the lights down low listening to Barry White kind of way, in the yo wigga you mah bitch now prison sex kind of way.

Conclusion
This is the primordial soup that spawned all the hedonistic messiahs of the nineties and beyond. Ever pondered what prompted Reznor to put that Mellotron on overdrive? Or what prompted Manson to take up the theremin? Next to being abducted by three breasted aliens, this is as close to a religious experience as you are ever likely to get.

Rating

The Golden Compass points in the right direction

The Golden Compass (actually Northern Lights) is part of a trilogy by novelist Philip Pullman. The trilogy, His Dark Materials, is designed as an Atheist alternative to the Christian children story Chronicles of Narnia.

The Catholic Church removed the book from its school libraries because it did not contribute to Catholic philosophy. Their statement was carefully worded to prevent their action from appearing like another witch hunt, and there is nothing wrong with the Catholic Church censoring the content of its libraries. After all, one goes to Catholic school to learn Catholic thinking, not to learn freedom of thought, freedom of expression or other dangerous intellectual pursuits. One goes there to become one of them, to think as they do and to do as they say.

More recently, Nicole Kidman starred in a film adaptation of the award winning novel. This film caused an uproar in the Christian community. The Vatican condemns the film, claiming it "promotes a cold and hopeless world without God."[1]. Closer to home, the African Christian Democratic Party (ACDP - a party with minor support and even more minor influence) called for a boycott of the film because it "might open the door to the dark side".[2].

Fortunately, state and church are separated at this point in time, otherwise the ACDP and the Vatican might open the door to the Dark Ages again.
I have not seen the movie nor read the book but I intend to do both simply because Christianity warns against it. History proves that Christianity tends to demonise the best in life. Among these demons are wine, women and song. Literature is certainly no exception.

Conclusion
The Vatican has the final word on Atheism, but I disagree with their view. Says the Vatican in their statement: "In Pullman's world, hope simply does not exist, because there is no salvation but only personal, individualistic capacity to control the situation and dominate events." This individualistic capacity to take responsibility for your own actions and influence events is exactly why atheism offers hope, and religion robs us as human beings of any hope. Thankfully, the burning times are over and we enjoy freedom of speech and freedom of expression. There are more advantages than disadvantages in maintaining freedom of speech, freedom of expression and freedom of religion. In my view, there are even further advantages in maintaining complete freedom from religion. Thanks to these freedoms, you are free to disagree with me. Thank the gods for that!

Cryptopsy - Once Was Not

Personell
Lord Worm - Vocals
Alex Auburn - Guitars and backing vocals
Eric Langlois - Bass
Flo Mounier - Drums, percussion and backing vocals

Track listing
1. Luminum
2. In the Kingdom where Everything Dies, the Sky is Mortal
3. Carrionshine
4. Adeste Infidelis
5. The Curse of the Great
6. The Frantic Pace of Dying
7. Keeping the Cadaver Dogs Busy
8. Angelskingarden
9. The Pestilence that Walketh in Darkness (Psalm 91:5-8)
10. The End
11. Endless Cemetery

Review
Canada has long deserved extermination due to the crimes against humanity Celine Dion commits each time she has a concert. Fortunately, Cryptopsy redeems Canada. Capable of skinning a ferret alive by sheer sonic force, Cryptopsy is perhaps the most intense band on this planet, and possibly a few others. As a teaser, there is a very tranquil guitar intro before the marsupial stripping brutality commences. Lord Worm returns with his trademark incoherent splutter. Older, wiser, and meaner, his voice does show some wear and tear. Then again, the man managed a 28 second gargle before, so even a worn down voice equals the most incinerating tar pit this side of Hades. Their touching rendition of Psalm 91 will warm the coldest of cadavers just enough to grin.

Conclusion
Absolutely brutal! This is recommended for those with leather ears, or anyone who wants to unleash their inner ferret.

Rating

Iced Earth - Dark Saga

Personell
Jon Schaffer - Rhythm Guitar, Vocals
Matt Barlow - Lead Vocals
Randall Shawver - Lead Guitar
Dave Abell - Bass Guitar
Mark Prator - Drums

Track listing
1. Dark Saga
2. I Died For You
3. Violate
4. The Hunter
5. The Last Laugh
6. Depths Of Hell
7. Vengeance Is Mine
8. Scarred
9, Slave to the Dark
10. A Question of Heaven

Review
The Spawn cover created by Todd McFarlane suggests that this is a highly cultured band. With their minds steeped in such fine literature as the popular comic book, the fire and brimstone permeate every track. Perdition is after all a fine topic for a metal album. Matthew Barlow handles vocal duties. His voice can be described as a masculine Geoff Tate, which would render Iced Earth into Kingsrÿche, if you will. Sparse yet effective lead guitar parts are pasted over some emotive vocals while the guitar rhythms can give you razor burn. This is a fine album by the band poised to fill the throne abdicated by Metallica. Singing along to someone's perdition never felt this good.

Conclusion
An imperial heavy metal album as only Iced Earth could make one.

Rating

Dragonforce - Inhuman Rampage

Personell
ZP Theart - Lead and backing vocals
Herman Li - Lead and rhythm guitars, backing vocals
Sam Totman - Lead and rhythm guitars, backing vocals
Vadim Pruzhanov - Keyboards, piano, backing vocals
Dave Mackintosh - Drums, backing vocals

Track listing
1. Through the Fire and Flames
2. Revolution Deathsquad
3. Storming the Burning Fields
4. Operation Ground and Pound
5. Body Breakdown
6. Cry for Eternity
7. The Flame of Youth
8. Trail of Broken Hearts

Review
Cheese warning! Straight from the Camelot of Camembert, this is nothing but the leanest, meanest, fastest, purest, geographically shaped axe-wielding power metal twenty pieces of silver could buy. With a vocalist whose practice regime consists of shattering glass goblets with his voice and a guitarist who has more blisters on his fingers than Celine Dion had death threats, how wrong could you go?

From the first track, you want to play air guitar and pull your nose like you stepped in the manure of your favourite noble steed.

Conclusion
Take up thy broadsword and walk!

Rating

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

Director
Wes Anderson

Cast
Cate Blanchett, Willem Dafoe, Jeff Goldblum, Angelica Huston, Bill Murray.

Plot
Steve Zissou (Murray) is an oceanographer and documentary film maker. To say he is eccentric is to describe fascists as angry people. When his partner, Estaban (Seymour Cassell), dies due to a shark attack, Zissou sets off to avenge his partner's death. Known only as the "jaguar shark", Zissou and his gang face illegitimate children, not so legitimate illegitimate children, former wives, pirates and each other's eccentricities in their quest to kill the creature.

Review
This larger than life comedy proves how little mankind knows about aquatic life. In particular, it proves how little a man named Steve Zissou knows about aquatic life. Follow mister Zissou on a journey of debauchery, piracy, pregnancy and even bankruptcy.

This film is critically misunderstood, commercially unsuccessful and highly underrated. Anderson studied philosophy at the University of Texas. His plays on meaning are similar to those of David Lynch, except Lynch plays with signifiers and the signified from a horror/thriller perspective. Anderson takes the lighthearted approach by dealing with questions about truth and meaning with a healthy dose of dry wit.

For entertainment value, the film has ups and downs at a very appropriate pace and the delivery is right on the money. Cate Blanchett is her usual glamorous self, even donning khaki clothes and a pregnant belly. Luke and Owen Wilson are entertaining enough, but the star of the show is undeniably Bill Murray. He looks so convincing in his role as Steve Zissou that one wonders whether this isn't actually a documentary film.

You will need to watch this film a few times to catch all the fake aquatic species, the more subtle jests and just to enjoy the dry humour again.

Conclusion
If you enjoyed Anderson's previous film, The Royal Tenenbaums, prepare yourself for something completely different. You do not need a red cap and a speedo to enjoy this film, but it helps.

Rating

Black Sabbath - Heaven and Hell (1980) review

If you follow the "no Ozzy, no Sabbath" philosophy, you will miss out on this essential heavy metal landmark. With Ozzy booted or quit, depending on whose version you believe, the Brumbies team up with Ronnie James Dio. One of the world's greatest singers teams up with one of the world's greatest bands. With his miniature Gandalf stance, Dio helped to forge Heaven and Hell, Mob Rules and Dehumanizer at different periods in their career.

Ozzy sustained himself on a diet of spandex and pigeons. Dio sustained Black Sabbath with a diet of Elvish magic. His Dioisms are encoded in Quenya and then translated into English for our pleasure. One of Dio's magical abilities is transcending the boundaries that space and time infringe on us mere mortals, as with the phrase "throw away the key, and lock the door". By employing the logic of the imagination first described by Elliot, Dio manages to defy even logic. Indeed, Dio laughs in the face of logic, as with "love isn't money, it isn't something you buy". To you and I, money is not something you buy either, but Dio can buy money.

Couple this ingenuity with the Camel sponsored cherubs on the cover and the supreme groove machine that is Black Sabbath, and you possess one ring-shaped disk to rule them all!

Interesting facts
Dio gave heavy metal its trademark mano cornuta or devil's horns sign during his first tour with Black Sabbath. Drummer Bill Ward can allegedly not remember recording this album due to drug problems. Ozzy thought he recorded this album due to drug problems, but later realised it was Dio instead. Ozzy then referred to the new Black Sabbath as "Blackmore Sabbath", referring to Dio's former band Rainbow. Rainbow featured Richie Blackmore on guitar, and from there the snide name.

Rating

Strapping Young Lad - Alien

Lead singer and guitarist Devin Townsend is hyperactive on a quiet day. In addition to several side projects, he fronts an amalgamation of pure genius that is Strapping Young Lad. This album kicks off with all cylinders firing at maximum overdrive, and doesn't show mercy for even a second. Well, maybe for the pastures green interlude in Two Weeks.

Shop for Strapping Young Lad albums at Amazon.com!

Townsend suffers from bi-polar disorder. Disillusioned by the chemical lobotomy he has to live with due to the medication for that illness, he decided to quit his medication in an experiment to see what it does to his creative output. Alien was conceived and recorded during this period of chemically (well, at least medical chemicals) stoic habits.

Lauded for his production abilities, Townsend offers an amazing choir consisting of overdubbed vocals with the aid of Sharon Clark. As if this is not enough, the rest of the lad consists of some road-worn heavyweights such as drummer Gene Hoglan and bassist Byron Shroud.

Gone are the days of singing glam-metal sing-along anthems for Steve Vai. Townsend has a voice that resembles a school of piranha going to work on Bambi, and it serves Strapping Young Lad very well. Recommended for fans of Fear Factory and groundbreaking metal.

Rating

The Ninth Gate (1999)

Director
Roman Polanski

Cast
Johnny Depp, Frank Langella, Lena Olin, James Russo, Emmanuelle Seigner.

Shop for Ninth Gate on DVD at Amazon.com!

Plot
Meet Dean Corso (Johnny Depp): book seller; raconteur; conman extraordinaire. He capitalises on his extensive knowledge of rare books, the ignorance of those in possession of these and his skills to manipulate people. Never too busy to pass by an opportunity to increase his fortunes, he decides to look for prints of a book called The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows on behalf of Boris Balkan (Frank Langella). There are three known prints of this book. Balkan already owns one, and Corso has to find the others to verify their authenticity. If he believes them to be real, he must acquire them at all costs. All expenses paid!

Corso manages to track down the remaining two, and finds discrepancies in the illustrations. At first, Corso is lead to believe that the discrepancies mean the books are counterfeit. A series of unfortunate events and a female consort known only as the girl (Emmanuelle Seigner) lead him to believe the discrepancies are deliberate. The girl and Balkan seem to be locked in a race to gather all the copies of the book in order to perform diabolical rites successfully, and Corso is not sure whose pawn he is. Who will be first to open the mystical ninth gate, and is it really that much better on the other side?

Review
Based on The Club Dumas by Arturo Pérez-Reverte, Polanski reportedly chose only one of the many sub-plots of the book for the film. In step with Pérez-Reverte's writing style, the film focuses in detail on the doings of one central character, namely that of Corso. The book is allegedly a bibliophile's dream, with references to classic literature throughout. As the title suggests, the book deals extensively with the methods of Alexander Dumas, while the film chooses to virtually ignore this link. Instead of offering a multi-faceted surreal world of endless possibilities, the Ninth Gate is the equivalent of the tunnel vision one has sliding down a water slide that runs out of water around the last bend.

While you can expect the same visual feast as in China Town, Polanski does not offer nearly the same complexity and suspense in the plot of the Ninth Gate. Upon further reading, it seems that his intention was to ridicule those who believe in the occult, while at the same time presenting a film riddled with occult references both obscure and bluntly obvious. It seems that Polanski considers his audience to consist of 15-year-olds who discovered the writings of La Vey. The film has a comic feel, and it does tend to drag at points. Some interesting concepts such as the nature of supernatural powers of the girl are treated with nonchalance, hovering somewhere between not quite explicit and not quite implicit enough, while other avenues not nearly as interesting enjoy fare too much attention. Still, with this fool's gold plot and strong performances by most actors, coupled with the fantastic score by Wojciech Kilar, the Ninth Gate is not devoid of entertainment value.

Conclusion
Compared with the recent outbreak of American creature features, it is refreshing to find a film nearly in the same who-dunnit tradition of Dario Argento. Polanski certainly has the experience and the flare to pull of a very stylish suspense thriller, yet somehow does not manage to do so here. It boils down to Johnny Depp to carry the film. The on-screen chemistry between him and the rest of the cast is worth watching, and the visual aspects of a Polanski film alone merits at least a second viewing. Not a bad film at all, just a poorly executed film for Polanski.

Rating

Faust: Love of the Damned (2001)

Director
Brian Yuzna

Cast
Jeffrey Combs,
Andrew Divoff,
Mark Frost,
Jennifer Rope,
Monica Von Campen.

Synopsis
John Jaspers (Mark Frost) is a struggling artist (aren't they all?) spending some quality time with his girlfriend when they suddenly become victims of an armed robbery, which leaves his girlfriend dead. The motive for the robbery is unclear, but it gives Jaspers motivation enough to sell his soul to a mysterious character named M (Andrew Divoff). M - short for you guessed it, Mephistopheles - grants Jaspers the power to turn into a horned demon who has a penchant for being a very bad person. Armed with supernatural powers, Jaspers sets off to avenge the death of his girlfriend, only to discover a much more sinister plot. M plans to release a far more fierce demon by opening the gates of hell on a hot midsummer night. Not content with avenging his girlfriend's death, Jaspers spends the rest of the film gathering new floozies and preventing the impending apocalypse.

Review
This film is based on the macabre graphic novel by Tim Vigil and David Quinn, only less macabre. You can expect the same graphic violence and sexual overtones as found in the comic, but there is something missing. While the actors generally deliver captivating performances, the shots are awkward. Seemingly a trademark of Yuzna, the shots are not composed with the same care as that given to the props and effects. The costumes and effects, although very good, are not without their flaws either, with the most noticeable faux pas (or is that 'Faust pas?') being the latex horns of Faust himself. In its defence, the original comic has a Faust which bears a striking resemblance to a red and blue Wolverine - sans horns. The horns seem to be some mask, which doesn't really make sense since the man sold his soul to Mephistopheles to have infernal powers. The father of lies strikes again and delivers a less-than-natural supernatural outfit for our hero. Now Jaspers has to seek vengeance in dangling latex body armour. Hark, fear the wrath of my awkwardly dangling latex horns, devoid of any function if not for aesthetics.

These inherent flaws in the Faust visual design are dealt with fairly well. Yuzna knows his strengths and he knows what his audience wants. His weaknesses are hidden fairly well and this film does deliver on its own. I am not familiar with the story of the graphic novel, so I would not know how comic book fans feel about this film.

The script is quite solid, with a very comic book style descent into madness. There are two characters who show a catharsis, which is quite effective considering they are caricatures with an overdose of supernatural interference. These characters, one male and one female, provide a juxtaposition and they become entwined in more ways than one. Other than this female character, the film features portrayals of women who serve the ideals of patriarchy all too well. I'm convinced there isn't a single fem on set who would not look good in latex clothing, and most of them prove it on screen. It is after all a comic book brought to life on the silver screen. The ideals of feminism are accepted (the female lead is a very smart doctor of psychology) as long as those wielding their bras are hot. I like it.

Conclusion
The devil always had the best tunes, and the soundtrack features some brutal Fear Factory tracks in step with that tradition.

An ample supply of women in latex clothing, almost enough compromising sexual scenarios and almost enough buckets of blood.

Rating


External Links
Faust: Love of the Damned at the IMDb
Wikipedia page on Faust: Love of the Damned (movie)
Wikipedia page on the Faust graphic novel

Note
Following the recent discovery of the Playground Movie Review, I decided to standardise the format of my DVD reviews. Feel free to read that blog, it is one of the best film review blogs I have seen. I took the Playground format and blended it with the Eat My Brains format to come up with my own. It is more user friendly, it has a rating system which features skulls and it is generally better. Enjoy!