Finally, someone admitted it. What gorgeous women do to men at a company. Nobody hires women to do actual work. It's true. We just put up with your lovely kind in the workplace, despite the adverse effects you have on us when we perform actual work like scheduling golf club and strip club meetings.
We put up with you, the fairer sex, when you're clever - but not too clever, and gorgeous - but not too hideous. Just like we put up with those delicate purely ornamental pot plants and the often disputed ambience of the barely functioning air conditioner. Just another one of those necessary evils of the workplace, you see.
But hey, one day when one of my chest-beating ilk decides to retire, I hope to see one of you mammary-bearing, cherry picking members of society replace one of us old boys. That's just the kind of equal opportunity go-getting that I would like to inspire around here, at our great sacrifice. I mean we're not used to women who may be smarter than us and certainly not ones who are expected to get over the ridiculously low bar we've established for ourselves. If that's not motivation for you girls, then I don't know what is. You go, girls! You go!
Godspeed to you, and remember: On this side of the glass ceiling, nobody can hear your screams.