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Showing posts from March, 2009

Dario Argento Sleepless DVD Review

Conclusion
A prime example of Giallo cinema with one of the slickest, sickest murder scenes ever recorded. The whole film doesn't quite live up to the impossible standards of Susperia or Deep Red, but it is a return to form for director Dario Argento.
Plot
A prostitute with a really hot rack collects her payment from the drawer. She decides it doesn't meet minimum wage requirements, so she does a little redistribution of wealth from amongst her employer's belongings. She discovers some kinky toys like nine inch knives and decides that minimum wage is just a number, only she accidentally takes an incriminating scrapbook with her when she leaves. The employer ends up following her and kills her on a train.

The police recognise a pattern in the murder method that corresponds with cases many years before. This prompts them to consult the police officer who worked on those cases. He is now retired, but the case still fascinates him, so he decides to lend a hand.
Not the plot
Minimum …

Return of the Living Dead DVD Review

Conclusion
Now this, is a horror movie.



Plot
Standard Zombie film fanfare but pulled off with all the class of the ten commandments of horror. A bunch of people notice a zombie outbreak and try not to die. Obviously, it's ultimately futile. Zombification is almost as lethal as altruism.

Review
I could wax lyrical about this film, but this film already shines so much from all the lyrical waxing that watching it may cause blindness. And furry palms. And God killing a kitten. Instead, I'll present you with an image that captures the essence of this film:


Barack Obama as a zombie. I didn't need to edit it much, really.

Not counting of course the death rock and eighties fake American punk on the soundtrack.

Director
Dan O'Bannon

Cast
Clu Gulager
James Karen
Linnea Quigly
Beverly Randolf
Tarman

Rating

Rabid DVD Review

Conclusion
It's wonderful what David Cronenberg could achieve with antacid tablets, adult film actresses and enough blush to make a corpse, well, blush.


Plot
A girl (Marilyn Chambers) and her boyfriend are involved in a motorcycle accident. The girl is injured seriously enough to slip into a coma. She also needs a skin graft which turns out to cause more trouble than she had anticipated. She wakes up with a phallic underarm appendage that can drain cows, grown men and nubile girls who slip and fall into a jacuzzi of their blood. Talk about a Freudian slip. Suddenly, medical aid paying out is not her only concern.

But that's not all. After being sucked dry by Marilyn Chambers (not in the usual adult actress fun way but in the her underarm schlong attached itself to my neck and sucked my blood dry kind of way. Don't you hate it when that happens?), the victims start foaming antacid tablets at the mouth. They also become covered in blush. Lots of blush. The only logical conclusio…